So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
