I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
