so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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