he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
