wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
