he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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