so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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