After last night, I could never be a politician.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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