I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
