a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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