u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I want a musical about memes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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