I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you didnt know i had herpes?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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