No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
