Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
