She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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