the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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