Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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