I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
