Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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