Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
