toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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