people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
