using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
