if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Come see our sink grown plant.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
