so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he thought i was a dude.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
