So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
