how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
