I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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