I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ketchup is God's man juice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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