So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
