I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
