He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
