just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
