real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
