Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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