It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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