I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize