I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
