You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize