Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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