am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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