Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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