i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
