Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
