I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
