I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
