at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
