I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
