bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
