Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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