he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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