Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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