Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
