I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
