just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
