Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
