I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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