called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize