she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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