can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
