i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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