1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
as a side note pls kill me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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