Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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