drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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