Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
