I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
