I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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