i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
