Plan B is the new Plan A
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
