i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
