so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
