Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
