I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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