You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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