she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were trust falling into bushes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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