I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she told me i tasted like america
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
